Arachnophobia.pdf

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THE AUTHORITATIVE GUIDE
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ON
'SPIDER
ERADrcATION
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McI1lur.toch!)~M~e(J..
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"S~rving
the Greater CanaiIna Area sillce 1988."
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Eradicating' the American Threat
The United Nations ABsignmept
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iii
iii
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Soldier Spider
Queen SpIder
South, American Spider
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3:
t~· ItfQWb ;;~
Re~ation
lssue
Boot.
Insecticide Spray Gun
'Bug Bomb
Aerosol Flametbrower
Bugometer
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CAli A I
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GO!
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As
you know from the lo!)al newspaper headlines, radio reports, and'
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coro,ner inquests, our county
.has
been invaded by a letb,alspider
accidently imported from South America. McClintock InfestatIon
Management welcomes this opportunity to show off our capabilities and
expand'our business. In fact, the wa,r on arachni_
is
'increasing
so
ds
rapidly, we have immediate openings for persons with the proper bug-
bus~ing
?l0xie to fit into our entomolOgical SWAT team.
Could you dodge a baseball with 8 legs, a hairy bod, and a poisonous sac?
• Could you hit a black dot with a-billoWing toxic mist. at
20
paces?
• Could you tell a.spider from a cana.ry?
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Extermination is a crusade for us. In relationship to the insect world,
we'Te a bit like the Roman armies of old- We're cruel. Vengeful, even. But
we
fill
an important niclle in the ecosystem and our pay is competitive.
,lfTve thorqughly cqnvinced you of the extreme importance of the
_
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Arachpid Abatement Technician in this delicate world balance of Man'Vs.
.
Insect, grab your teflon swatter and let's rock
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n'
roll!
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JbeJk",;t
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Owner and Operator,
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0 B K D A' Y
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'fo
YOUB
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,What
we got are towns, Hysterical towns, CanaiIila's not the only one
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demanding our
,expert
services, Sister cities throughout the state are
'
clamoring for our assistance, my don't these cities simply walk their
'fingers
,through
the phone directory and support their
lOwn
economies by
,
hiring local exterminators? Toxi-Max-the privata McClintock stock-
that's why, Fumigatory
'four-star
finery, And right now it's the only juice
.
that's effective on the varrriints.
'(......
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As
a part of our team, I am assiglliDg you a company vehicle with
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llIll¢litlld mileage. You're going to travel from town to town, making house
,
caIis on hysterical inhabitants.
In
each community, defenseless domiciles
'
,have
been pre-empted by these conscience less beasties. Here's the
,gUideline
to your' workday:
When you arrive in a town, you ,get an overhead map of the area: on your
monitor. Pick the building you want te go into and stop your'truck in
,
front of it to enter.
Go
through the house, school.,
'cemetery
...Lor wherever else you may be
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.find
the Queen spider, and blast the mother! She rules the roost -
,if
you can erad,icate her hairy rear,
th~t
town.is once
~ain
safe for
inhabitation.
As
you. make your path toward her, you'll undoubtedly have
to auke quite a few of her ev:iJ. minions, the Soldier
spi~ers.
II
Across the
,bottom
of your monitor are:
~e/k;d
That's me,
'.1
represent the status of your health. The sicker Ilook,the
sicker you are!
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This
is the aIJ?ount of Taxi-Max spray
insectic~de
you have'.
As
you use up
the inStlcticide, the spray level slowly drops.
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You star-t with two.
The bugometer tells' you where the Queen or South American spider is,
rhe
bugometer only.'goell ir).to effect after you destroy an
egg
sac.'

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